Sex after marriage?

Monday, January 31, 2005

no more lonely nights

It had been a week and we finally got though our last time apart. Then I decided to torment us, and when we finally made it into bed together, spent a long time talking about all the best sex we have ever had. When we finally started having sex, orgasms were only a minute away. Day-um.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

notes

age I lost my virginity: 15
age I started masturbating: 12
age when I got oral for the first time: 14
age when I gave oral for the first time: 15
age of first 69: 15
number of men I've slept with: about 20
number of men I've given blow jobs to: about 8
number of women I've slept with: 0
number of women I've made out with (no not as a stunt for frat boys): 2
maximum number of wanks in a day: 7 or 8
number of dates Husband and I went on before we had sex: 1
longest I've gone without sex since losing my virginity: 6 weeks
longest Husband and I have gone without doing it since we got together: 6 days

what does this all mean? who knows.

Monday, January 24, 2005

a different sort of masturbation

We did it! Husband and I just spent the final weekend together in our apart lives. Next weekend we will be a couple living in the same state. Woo! We had a tiring weekend of snow, and weirdly, not a lot of sex.

One curious episode though, was one which I'm sure happens a lot, to most couples. I had just come out of the shower, and was only wearing a thong. Husband was still in bed, about to get up. He loves it when I just wear a thong: he's an ass man, although I do think he appreciates my boobs quite well enough. So of course he's making me turn around and I'm posing for him. Naturally, he gets horny: he's got morning wood already, and there I am prancing in front of him. The problem is, I feel nothing. Usually I get off on being ogled like that, but I was cold, I just wanted to get dressed and go out to eat brunch. I figure I'll give him a quick handjob and get it over with, but he wanted me to sit on his face while I played with him. Usually this wouldn't be a problem, but for some reason it really pissed me off. Maybe I was just in a bad mood. Maybe I was upset that I just wasn't horny, but I felt like if I was doing him a favor, I shouldn't have to put up with him slurping around me for his gratification.

Anyway, weird. I don't usually have those nasty kind of thoughts.

Needless to say I did the deed and had a happy Husband for the rest of the day. He shot his load over 2 foot.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

the lovin of the self

Something I really don't know a lot about is the whole relationship between how much sex and how much wanking one does. Sometimes, especially when I was single, I found myself masturbating more the more sex I had. Other times, there's an inverse relationship between the wanking and the shagging. At the moment, I'm hardly playing with myself at all, despite the fact that I'm only having sex in the weekends.

So... with the (presumed) increase in fucking, will I get a concomitant increase in frigging?

(and how many different ways can I describe masturbation?)

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Sex on schedule

I know a lot of couples (I'm thinking particularly ones with kids) have to schedule sex, and I really don't mind doing that - it's better than not at all and frankly sometimes I just forget about it so it's good to have a reminder - but this weekend was ALL ABOUT the scheduled shagging.

Granted, I kind of expected that, because as I said, we had a visitor. S. is a very social sort of person, so wouldn't think about going off and doing stuff alone when she can talk us into coming. Hence, we needed to take advantage of the few times we had alone (ie when she was in the shower, and when she was out with friends for a couple of hours.)

The big problem with scheduled sex however, is that if you have a husband like mine, you better damn well be in the mood when it's scheduled. If the idea of having sex is put out there, then it will be in the forefront of his mind until it happens. If I say "we'll do it in an hour", then ten minutes after the hour and he's getting antsy; half an hour after the time is up and he's getting angry.

This makes Husband sound like a bit of a prick, and he really isn't. It's a character foible that he has about many things - it's being unable to handle disappointment. I think that I have only promised sex maybe twice in the three years that we have been together and not delivered. He gets so sad puppy dog about someone letting him down that I can't handle the guilt! This is in complete contrast to Previous Boyfriend to whom I used to promise sex all the time and then maybe put out one time in ten (at varying intervals according to good psychological conditioning - I kid I kid! - but it did seem to transpire like that.)

So how to make up for doing it only twice in a weekend when we are apart all week? Well, have hot kinky fantasy sex, the kind where you wear leather, and tie up your husband and use a nice bit of leather thong as a cock ring, spank him a few times, then violate his ass and tease him with a vibrator. That shuts him up real good.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

weekend visitor

Our good friend S. is coming to stay with us this weekend. She is out from the midwest for a few days. I love having weekend visitors, but I'm not living with Husband yet, damn it! I'd like some "us" time. Luckily we are good at being quiet.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

the previous boyfriend

I am loathe to call any of my decisions in life a mistake, because I'm a firm believer that everything you do has absolute consequences for subsequent happenings, and as such, I wouldn't be here today, in the place in life that I am, without making those decisions.

However, with the benefit of hindsight, I really wish that I hadn't run my previous relationship (before Husband) the way I did.

For starters, I let it go way way too long, 4 years. Probably the last two of those years we had sex maybe, 20? times. Now say what you will about the sex and its relative importance in a relationship (and obviously I think that it is of paramount importance, because otherwise I wouldn't be writing about it), that rate of sex is completely abnormal for a couple in their early to mid twenties.

To backtrack: I knew this boy socially for a year or so. He was (and is) just over three years younger than me. When we met, I was in the latter stages of my 3 years of sleeping around, and he was still a virgin. I was 22 when we started seeing each other, he was 18. My first mistake was thinking that we could keep it casual. Sure, I had a bit of a crush on him, and thought that he was a great guy, but I was very aware of our age and experience differences. So we went out one night, with a group of friends, and I seduced him, was only the third girl he had ever even kissed, and took him to bed. That was my normal M.O. but again, I was forgetting that I had a lot more experience than him - most of the guys I had slept with were older and more experienced than me. Of course, he pushed and pushed and we ended up being a couple. Which was great - for a while. He is a very sweet guy, and was fun to be around. A lot of my friends questioned us, age and experience notwithstanding, because he was the opposite of my "type." At the time, the sort of guy I was attracted to was tall, lean, snarky, and fiercely intelligent. This guy had the tall, but was build like a football player, wanted everyone to like him, and frankly, smart, but not setting the world on fire. The main problem was though, over the years he became far too emotionally dependent on me, and I found myself (and this again is the benefit of hindsight) becoming somewhat of a tyrant with regards to how our relationship worked. Everything was done on my schedule, the way I wanted it to be. And of course, familiarity was breeding contempt. Also, the fact that he let me push him around so much meant that I lost even more respect for him. By the final year, the thought of actually having sex with him made me feel icky. So why didn't I break it off? Well, I still liked him a lot, and he was one of those guys that was all "if you leave me I don't know what I'll do."

Now, I realise that those words should be a signal to get the hell out.

The main way that I was in control of the relationship was by having the absolute final say on sex. And because I never spent any time with him in the past year, outside of going to bed together, I was always "too tired" and completely inconsiderate to him. He must have been incredibly miserable.

When finally I did break it off with him (like a wimp, just a couple of months before I was due to leave town anyway) I did it as meanly as I could. I knew he could tell that it was coming, and he was holding on tighter and tighter. I figured the only way that I could get him to let go was by being a raging bitch. So I dumped him in the morning, and that evening went out and slept with a friend of mine that I knew boyfriend hated. Man, I was a cold bitch.

Of course its difficult to sum up a four year relationship in a few paragraphs, and I have probably made myself sound far worse than I actually was, but suffice it to say, yes I did hurt boyfriend, a lot. But! After a few months, we began a friendship again (from long distance as I, then he moved, and are now in different continents) and now have a pleasant correspondence, nicely bereft of all of my headgames. I really do regret how badly I treated him, I grew up a lot in the time that we were together, and in retrospect I would have handled the whole situation a lot differently, right from the get-go. But, that's what you do in your early 20's - you mess up. A lot.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Together at last

In three weeks, Husband and I will finally be living together again. Because of his job, we have been living apart for the past year and a half (a two hour drive, but it's enough to make us a weekend only relationship.) Happily, my job has finished, and I start a new contract in the same city as him.

I'm interested to see how the sex is going to change. Weekend sex is great - you spend all week wanting it, and then you do it a lot over the weekend. Awesome. But doesn't it get tired when it's hanging over you all the time? I don't remember. We'll see anyway. Husband and I have had this discussion already, and we have agreed to at least be aiming to do it every night. Even if it doesn't quite happen.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Whence we came

Let me say right now that I have no idea what is a "normal" amount of sex experience. I think that Husband I came in to our marriage with reasonably "normal" amounts of experience, but I may be way off the mark.

Before Husband, I had two long term relationships, one that lasted my final two years of high school and my first two years of college, and the other that lasted my final 4 years of graduate school (I was there for a while!) In the three years between those relationships I had a number of "fuck-buddies" - I hate that term, but it really describes it the best... men who were my friends and whom I could pretty much call upon for sex whenever I felt like it - and quite a few one nighters. I never ever ever had sex with a guy that I was casually dating and then had it end up going nowhere (ie it turned into my graduate school relationship.) I've no idea how that happened, the either no-strings sex or sex leading to relationship approach, with no middle ground... but it did and there you go. So I guess I'd had about 20 or so sexual partners before Husband.

Husband was a late bloomer, to quote himself. I don't think he got around to getting it on till his early 20s (he's a few years older than me.) He had one long term relationship before me, an on again off again saga that lasted five or so years; fucked a few girls that he'd dated and had one fuckbuddy. He's also engaged the services of a couple of hookers. I think he's slept with about 7 or 8 different women, including the prostitutes.

Why is any of this relevant? I don't know. But from talking to a few of my friends (without me going into the specifics of my own situation) it seems very uncommon that the woman in the relationship has had more than twice the number of sex partners than the man. I dunno. Maybe my friends are weird.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

And...begin

So.

I'm 29 years old. Husband and I married September 2004. From the first few weeks that we dated, I knew that this guy was truly awesome, and that if I ever married anyone, it would be him. And the decision to marry him was definitely one of the best in my life. He's amazing.

But I'm weirded out by the fact that I ever got married.

Why? Well, because of the sex. I've never been able to stay interested in having sex with a guy after a couple of years; I hang around for a while - years actually, but eventually I get too bored and move on. I've never been dumped. But I have been in love before, it's just that it hasn't been enough before now. So I guess it was really a leap of faith that it wasn't going to be the same this time... We had been dating for a year and a half when we got engaged, and two and a half years when we got married - prime time for me to leave.

So why the blog? Well, I guess to just chronicle this new, weird phase of my sex life. No new men, ever. Woah.